Dearest Piglet - so many teenagers crammed into it, umpteen visits to Xmas lights and holiday attractions. Kid's stickers and bits still adorned from over a decade ago. Time to let go.

P2: I just texted Trev (mate) to say that the Pig was no more.

Me: What did he say?

P2: He texted back "Noooooooooooooo!!!"

Me: I wanted to give it a Viking funeral...

P2: (pats me awkwardly) I know - to you it was a member of the family, like a four-wheeled cat.