Entries tagged with news thump

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Newsthump - Satirists Can’t F*****g Type Quick Enough

Newsthump article under cut for swearing. Can so identify right now - minus the beardy smart-arsedness. Just as you think you can kick back from the keyboard, another political oaf plays a trump card. Something is obvious though - Boris does NOT want the responsibility of activating Article 50. Coward.

( Newsthump - Satirists Can’t F*****g Type Quick Enough )

You must admit that the British government are becoming past masters at making absolute fools of themselves - over and above their normal quota. For the record, leaving us in the cacky just isn't cricket, Boris. Really isn't.

:-/

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Newsthump - Alan Rickman Cuts Out Grim Reaper’s Heart With A Spoon

This literally is the only thing that has vaguely cheered me up today.

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The late Alan Rickman has set about the face of death with some silverware.

The so-called Grim Reaper continued his utterly shite run of form in 2016 by taking the soul of the man who played Hans Gruber, Professor Snape and The Sheriff of Nottingham – literally the only outstanding thing in an otherwise middling version of Robin Hood.

“I took his arm to lead him away,” said a visibly shaken grim reaper, “and he looked at me, brandished the spoon and said ‘I am going to count to three, there will not be a four’, which I just laughed at.

“And then he leapt on me and jabbed a spoon right through my chest [...] I knew we should have frisked him on the way in; this is the guy who nearly killed Bruce Willis [...] Serves me right for fucking with the Half-Blood Prince, I suppose.”

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Newsthump - I love you -----> Full Article HERE

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news thump

News Thump - Lord Sewel was on ‘Keith Richards Experience Day’

Senior Peer Lord Sewel was doing nothing more seedy than enjoying his birthday present, according to friends today.

Lord Sewel’s family had given the Peer a voucher for his birthday which entitled him to live like a rock star for the day.

“It was a wonderful surprise” said Sewel, “usually they just get me a pair of socks and some scotch, so the opportunity to final snort some blow from a hooker’s tits was a lovely change.”

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News Thump - how I love you :-)