365 Days Til Graduation - Yay :-/

[changeling67]

Today, my fellow class mates graduated with their BA English.  I, however, did not.  Because of a horrendous year last year (Hubby = cancer; Self - chronic IBS), I had to watch my grades slide; the only way I could get through was to ease up a bit and go part time. It was literally 'a-stitch-in-time' scenario and it did pay off.  Yet, I see their faces today, beaming with pride and I feel like crap - especially since I have to go back next week and do the final sixty credits.

Thing is, I didn't see this coming.  Don't get me wrong, I am so proud of them.  Several of them have had to overcome massive hurdles to get there and it has all paid off.  Except, I'm not one of them :-/

It's the train rides home and the impersonalisation of it all that gets to me. Makes me keyed up and it's not helped that I am gonna have to grow some and get back on the horse.  I consol myself that I have grafted over the summer in regards to research, so I am not ill-prepared.  I STILL don't know what I am going to write about - THAT bothers me.  So, yeah.  Am a bit in the doldrums.  Thing is, I have to push myself forward because it will be ten times worse if i didn't see this through.

Comments

I didn't see this coming

[crookedfingers.livejournal.com]

I admire you for your determination to keep going in-spite of the past setbacks-in the end I am sure it will all be worth it-you would feel terrible if you were to give up now-all you can do is keep charging ahead-peace

Re: I didn't see this coming

[calico-pye.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your kind words, Johnny - it means a lot :-)

[bluegerl.livejournal.com]

Aaawww Rosie.

This hurts - I know... it HURTS - that they've gone on and got there, and you had to lag behind for NO FAULT OF YOURS!

Oh you'll get there, you WILL...

Maybe a load of them have had help and family to pick up bits, and feed and loan and all that stuff.. but YOU've had all the other things to manage as well. (and IBS is NOT NOT NOT good for being strong with!)

You've done bloody incredible wonders anyway... and then having to manage all the background stuff... and yer not a bright young thing any more with a fresh and unworn brain.

YOU'VE BEEN BRILLIANT... and CLEVER and Seriously... there is NO WAY could I have even contemplated doing what you've done and are doing and WILL DO BRILLIANTLY AT.... and I'm not exactly daft.

Oh Love, don't be downhearted... you've been like Sysiphus... and yer near the top now... just keep shoving!!!

Sending you the most ENORMOUS amount of love and strengths and good vibes and power to your elbows and.... all that good stuff.
Seriously. VERY VERY SERIOUSLY.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

[calico-pye.livejournal.com]

I know that some have been substantially supported, others lucky enough to live right next to the university. However, I am glad that I am doing the degree NOW as opposed to in my late teens to twenties. I might have had the younger brain, but not the maturity or staying power. You have to have an enormous amount of focus and just didn't have that kind of drive back then. It's hitting the sweet spot at just the right time. It's ok, though. Feel a lot better now, because it's time to slay the final dragon.

Darling Looloo, thank you for your kind words. I appreciate it enormously xxx

[bethnoir.livejournal.com]

I do hope you've got your positivity and bounce back again now, you'll get there!

[calico-pye.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Beth - I think I will feel better when I get to meet my new dissertation lecturer and get some guidance, plus knowing which day I am due in.