Sub Rosa

The next three days are portfolio days.  Even though I have done the bulk of the work, I do not feel the least inclined to do anything.  I suppose it is because I am on the last leg of it, I can smell the fresh air of freedom and I resent being stuck in the bloody box of an office, sacrificing my sanity at the high alter of education.  Well, that's my martyrdom out of the way.  I will have to get my cup of tea and sit my a** down and smack this beauty into touch.  Start with creative writing, I think - I have a running commentary that is only half done.

Also - it was today two years ago I was offered the chance of being on a degree course.  The conversation just blew me away and I am very grateful to Vanessa for guiding me in this direction.  I am but a third of the way through my degree now, but at the half way point in my four year educational plan.  What a climb it has been.  Let's hope the summit will be worth it :-)

15:44
This is taking far longer than I expected, because I have to do a mini autopsy on each.  I cannot paste what I have written as it will be in breach of my degree, I may in due course paste other stuff.  One of the questions = how did you develop your work? Answer ::: I can't bloody remember,  I uploaded my stuff to the forum months ago!!  Most of it was done during wet weekends in February - to me it is a lifetime ago.  I have a feeling that every bloody day will count as I have tons more to do than expected.

To quote Kasabian - 'Ahh, oh come on/We've got our backs to the wall'

21:34
Despite constant interruptions (God, I love my family, wouldn't do without them - bar NOW), I am now back on track - however, I have been reading the criteria for my C/W portfolio.  It says they want 2,000 - 3,000 words.  I had the presence of mind to add up the stuff selected, only to find that it doesn't even reach 1,000.  It's a crap time to find this out.  I have got two stories that would bunce up the words, but I would have to add commentaries to them as well.  Mega stress.  It's the weekend and less than 72 hours before the chop.  Have messaged my lecturer, but she is unlikely to get back to me until 8 hours before absolute deadline.  For now, I will have to write up the last part of my original bunch and if I hear nothing, submit the extra two.

Not happy.  Might have to put this on hold and carry on with the Transactional Writing tomorrow, with hope that she will get my message.

I am trying to add some added comparisons to this TH2 Monster. I have used Charlotte Perkins Gilman - The Yellow Wallpaper and Henrik Ibsen - A Doll's House, but only in passing as I have just Too Much To Right About, Not Enough Space and I have to Pare Back As It is.  Right now, I can truly identify with Perkin Gilman's character going slowly mental because she is confined to barracks. Also I have had to fight off migraine, great, so I am avoiding chocolate and coffee today  :-/


Charlotte Perkins Gilman - The Yellow Wallpaper -------> http://www.gutenberg.org/files/1952/1952-h/1952-h.htm

Henrik Ibsen - A Doll's House -----------------------------------> http://www.gutenberg.org/files/2542/2542-h/2542-h.htm

Alas, if I don't get this sorted by midday Thursday, I will kick it to the kerb.  It is meant to be a Gothic novel and right up my street, but I don't warm to the characters, nor am a keen feminist.  Just not into it.

15:44
I have come to the conclusion that I will never get this right, so I am just going to pare back on the words.  I have to lose 177 words (bringing the essay down to 2,200 - or 2,000 with 10% margin) and just resubmit, knowing that at my present level of education, I cannot significantly turn this around without starting from scratch and even then, I do not have the guarantee that I can do it.  My mistake was not annotating the text in the first place, plus not having an interest in either subject does hamper one.  So, mission ::: lose the wordage.  I am not going to burn myself out on an assignment that I cannot significantly turn round in time - over and out.

20:18
It is done.  Tomorrow is the sticky political essay IN3 (which I didn't totally cock up, but will need a rethink).

Bank Holiday Monday and it has been lashing down all day.  My car has not moved all week, because the hoses have split again and I cannot see the mechanic til Thursday.  This always seems to happen when I have a particularly shitty piece of work to do.  Right now it is just as well that I don't have transport, because I would make a bolt for the door and possibly not come back.  Hubby is in a similar position - he is revising for his exam due 8 days after my final submit.  He has ground to a halt because nothing read has sunk in today.

I am looking at TH2 Jane Eyre/Feminist Theory and the essay is awash with the main lecturer's scrawling.  It's a mess and I am in despair - it stands at 59% and I really want to shove it over 65%.  Would be really happy with an upper second, if possible.  Lit Theory is NOT for the faint-hearted.  I have printed off the OWL Purdue checklist re Fem Theory and have stuck it to the side of the computer. Right now, nothing is sticking for me either. Am going to add main lecturer's notes to the new essay and somehow find a way through.

15:37
When you have a partner who is in the same boat, it does reap some rewards.  You both know how the other is feeling, both climbing the wall, both supportive etc.  What DOESN'T work is if one (me) is trying to soldier away and the other (he) is wandering aimlessly around, wanting to chat because they are bored.  Being the loving Wifey that I am, I have dragged him into the 21st century and suggests he listens to podcasts from the accredited site.  As I am the only one with speakers, we had a miniature growly face-off, where he suggested frisking the PC for MY set.  No sunshine, that's NOT how it works.  I have now sent him out to get a new set of speakers with an still-in-date Argos card. Hopefully it will do the job :-)

17:27
Cross-eyed and reading Gilbert and Gubar.  There is a thin line between high brow and turgid - I am sorry Bronte aficionados, I am not a fan.

22:17
I managed to replan my assignment by printing off the rough draft and seeing parallels that I hadn't seen before.  Feeling much better and am off to watch V for Vendetta.  Not that I am interested in Dystopia at all :-DDDDD

I have managed to slot the 'Pleasure Principle' in (pun fully intended) and now I am trying to read up some Marxist Theory (OWL Purdue has come into its own - but I am reading Rivkin and Ryan at the moment).  I am a bit worried about the time frame; after this, I have four essays to turn round, one of them being TH2 (Jane Eyre/Feminist Theory), then IN3 which is a sticky one about politics.  Might have to totally rethink that one.  Plus the portfolio work.  Not a lot needed for Transactional Writing, minor tweaks at most.

Creative Writing is going to be tougher as although my pieces are ready, the observation writing is still in its infancy. The days left have sunk into single digits and I am worried that I won't make it. I have a LOT to do.  Anyway, onward with the Marxist Theory reading :-/

14:18
I laughingly said I wanted a simplistic version of Marx Theory, which is a bit of a joke really considering the subject.  I have found a version and it is on bloody wiki and I can't use it (academic British references only).  Try to find off shoots and you have to wade through everything.  From what I can tell, it is about analysing the base the superstructure and the power relation. Fascinating, but I have only got nine days, guys.

17:42
I have had an incredible stroke of luck, via a bone fide British AS/A2 Sociology page.  I feel truly blessed - hope it reaps the right rewards.  I must admit that this gives me a bit of a headache as I did Sociology at 'O' Level and I remember the divisions of the Proletariat and the Bourgeois etc., but this is at a far higher level than I remember.  I do understand a lot of it, because I have read up on it since, but even so - it is about whether I can do this as part of a Level 4 English essay.

*sigh* my brain hurts :-/

20:29
Ok, my aim now is to shave off 193 words without losing something critical from the essay.  Here goes :-)

22:09
I've done it !!!! Hurrah !!! No more Huxley for the foreseeable future - yeehaaa!!!

Day 3 and it is plain that I don't proofread as well as I should.  I have dropped out of the habit since Access and it is becoming a problem.  I dunno - I think I get blinded by what I have written sometimes, I read it so often that spots and blemishes disappear.  I noticed it today whilst reading To The Shore to a friend.  I should really proofread and also read things out.   Brain just switches off, though.  I need more time though and I think it is this factor that worries me somewhat.

Never mind - I will have to go onward with IL3 Wordsworth and Eliot :-/

16:59
IL3 is done.  I have noticed that my essays seem to double up, my stream of consciousness writes like someone else is singing a duet with it.  I am a bit irritated as my printer is starting to run out of ink at a pretty critical time and the hose on my car radiator has sprung a leak again. Grrr - wasn't like I was planning on going anywhere, but even so.  Decided to go back to TH3, because this is the assignment that is niggling me the most at the moment.

18:54
OK, I think I have got the idea of 'How to be a Theorist' crash course 101.  I *think* my mistake is that I have been putting the text first and the theory very much as a secondary consideration - when it should be the other way round.  I also have to rethink how the population is perceived by the *insert theory* mind.

My head hurts - this is most definitely something I have to brush up on during the summer holiday.

22:12
I think I am near the end of the first half. I have to think of the psychological being of the author and the psychological motives of the reader.  Hmmm. Is this going to be awkward territory for me, I wonder? I have a fascination for dystopian societies and I have to see beyond my own motives.  Control issues? Overt control? Sadist Versus Masochist?  I think I might have best part of another day on this.  Loooong slog ahead.

Now I have finished all rough drafts, I am going back over the marked copies and am editing it to produce the final work.  Right now, I have revisited the Sense of Place essays (of which SP1 was only a tester - hence the posting of To The Shore the other day); basically1984 and A Passage to India (the former was about changing the tiniest of errors; the latter is just a little addition and a certain amount of restructuring).  I think the bulk of it is done, just rehash a bit - I think most of my concentration will be centered towards the |Transaction Writing/Creative Writing and the running commentaries.

19:40
I have also managed to write up my observation re my Post Colonial PP back in October and my vocational piece about Mary Bryant and James Boswell. Six essays to go before I tackle my Transactional/Creative Writing portfolio.  Getting this sorted faster than I expected. I think a couple might go over into a first, but will be very happy with some hitting the upper second :-)

I have just taken a look round my office - it is an absolute tip, but I daren't clear it.  In the confusion of it all, I don't want to throw something critical away :-/

After a lapse of four days, I have come back to Brave New World.  Alas I am over by 200 words on Psychoanalytical and under by about 100 words on Marxist.  Plenty of academical references on part one - absolutely zero on part two. I also have a feeling I am gonna have to get some more quotes together too.  Think I am getting there, though - will be so pleased when this is out of my hair and I can concentrate on other things, like the rest of my resubs for a start.

19:11
I must admit to having a bit of a brain fog, mostly because I am trying to fit one of the academic essays around the last part and it's not fitting.  The end is in sight and I was to get this done tonight...

*mumble, grumble, crumble*

Ok - I am done for now. I have to shave off 278 words from part one and revamp part two.  This will be done tomorrow (I am learning not to burn out again at the first opportunity).

Looking over last nights work, I have to re-jig quite a bit of it, so it flows better. 912 words all told, but still have the Jungian archetypes to do.  I have put aside another 'word dump' document to one side, so I can lift texts out and put them elsewhere if I can't think what to do with them right now, but may need at a later date. One thing is for sure, I will have to get another book stand as the one I have is propping up two text books and Brave New World. I really want to get the worst of this done today and move on to Marxist theory tomorrow.

I only have three weeks left; most of this week will be taken up with this essay and attending lecture (though God knows why - we need bumper tutorials and study leave IMHO).

14:23
I have ordered another reading stand as I cannot see my desk - it is awash with books, none of which I can put away.  I am over 1,000 words and covering the Oedipus complex now.

18:15
I am not in good shape physically.  My whole body is very cramped up and I have a sore throat for some reason.  I do try to take breaks away from the desk, but I am really trying to get this essay cranked out.  I can see the end in sight re psychoanalytical theory but I think I may  wrap up early this evening, go for a walk or have a good stretch - something.

20:45
I have reached the end of part one and I have managed 1,338 words.  I can foresee that some judicial editing will have to be done - right now, I am done and my back feels like an oxbow lake :-/

I am still at the starter stage as I am rereading and taking notes.  I think I will be doing this for a fair while.  Plus sad, unforeseen circumstances have taken my studies off track this week and I will have to tread very carefully with members of the family. I cannot disclose, suffice to say its too damn sad for words.  The only thing I can do is sit tight and wait, whilst doing my studies.

One area of creative joy is this site, for any budding poet etc ----> http://www.wordle.net/create

I have had an email from my former lecturer, who wants me to talk to a few Access students next Thursday. It's funny to think I was in their position a year ago.  I am delighted to tell them that the course is well-run and all is going well etc.

23:40
I have got the go-ahead from main lecturer - spent the day annotating the book, have got to get a lot done. Alas, tomorrow a friend is leaving to live in Tenerife (I am inheriting her le crueset) and we are seeing a client of Hubby's in the afternoon. Will have to be up early and do some skimming.

Lecturer recommended that I should deal with the two theories separately (1,000 Psychoanalytically/ 1,000 Marxist). Just as well; both theories are well-represented in Brave New World, meshing them would become an absolute nightmare. Get the gist that I may just be a little too ambitious on this one. One thing is for sure - time is running out :-(