This is a collage of my weekly trips to Plymouth University. Top left and right are inside the Babbage Building, middle - steps outside the Charles Seale Hayne library. The bottom two are from St Erth station, where I have spent many a wet and windy morning. I was wondering if I would come to think of it fondly in the years to come. Or bittersweet. Or just plain bitter. I don't know.
Yesterday, after months of being cramped at an office desk, turning increasingly word blind and nonsensical, I basically caved. Tuned everything out and went to bed. Today, I am going to do the rest of the little bits and a couple of friends will be having a read of it over the next couple of days.
22:35
Bibliography is complete. I have just messaged the forum to see how many people have used on average. Meanwhile, the MD Inserts List.
I have done some substantial editing and have just pulled the intro/ch1/ch2/ch3/conclusion together. I do know something - after yesterday's minor tank, I am a) absolutely petrified of f***ing up and b) fear that I have ruthlessly edited beyond hope. The only thing I can so is print off the lot and reread manually. I can't help think that I am wandering off topic here and when you have been with the project this long, you get word blindness.
Dejected. The only thing that keeps me going is that others are in the exact same position. I think the thing that surprised me is that so many just hope they don't get a 40% pass. I would literally die if I did, to the point that a low 2:1 gets me.
* sigh *
I am sick to death of this.
Today, I will be writing my conclusion (with handy notes that I have made at random times - not scrawled on my arms this time). Not sure what I will be saying exactly, but I think it will a boiled down version of the grid I made from the intro. Plus I will be seeing if my findings fit at all. Gotta leave a little room for error, I suppose - you can't get it all right.
Later, I will sort out the general housekeeping i.e. typing up biblio/references, acknowledgements, dedication, contents index etc. If all goes well, I will check, double check and submit this sucker early.
17:26
I notice the student forum is alive and kicking with major dissertation fears, so I know I am not alone. We are trading dissertation information about printing and availability of staff etc. Won't be long before we are all crossing the finishing line :-)
Onward.
(PS - took a look at my profile today and saw one cherish LJer has deleted their account and at least one other who is in the process of doing so. I was warned by both, but am cross with this LJ ToS agreement, which is in conflict with so many people's freedom of speech. I am wondering if DW will really be able to pick up where LJ left off and revive a blogging network. For the record, I don't like the politics on LJ, either - yet DW needs to prove to me that it is woirth staying with them, if I DO decamp. Plus - WordPress is not exactly chatty, is it?)
* cue tumbleweed and a mournful harmonica sound *
Do you know what I find the most exhausting at the moment? The need to justify my observations. Tactical arguing. Which has been of course the whole driving force of the degree, but I am done trying to find contradictions to what I am writing, then textually shout them down. If only is WAS still just statement/evidence/analysis. As in 'this is my evidence, thank you and good night.'
Today is about wading in and rescuing the rest of chapter 3. Yay - said no one ever.
14:02
One thing that I find quite interesting today is that aspects of my ACCESS course sociology/psychology have come back round to meet me four years after I first learnt it. 'Episodic Memory' is one, the other is something which I can't discuss (not REALLY wanting to be plagiarize myself at this late stage), suffice to say that it is relevant to the picture below.
I finished ch 2 early yesterday and then snuck out for tea and cake at my sister's. Being ever the aunt for quirky prezzies, I bought my niece a pack of cat socks, equipped with large eyes and cute little ears. Cue 'Squeee' from little one. Think she preferred them over the Easter eggs.
So, I am back to ch 3 with a LOT of quotes to fiddle around with and quite a bit of paring back to do. I have 15 days left til hand in. Trying not to freak out at this point, but I have a lot to sort out for the end production. It goes something like this:
I have just done a quick tally to see how many words have been contributed to the final dissertation so far. 9,069. There will be a lot more written and pared back before I submit. For instance, I know for a face that I really should at least five more outside sources in this chapter alone and I have precious little for ch3. Plus 500 approximately for the conclusion. Still, it is heartening to see.
A friend of mine is due home tonight and she is usually my confidante. I think I need a bit of a pep talk, so sometime over the next few days, i will have a chat albeit brief.
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chiming
