Sub Rosa

I forgot to say that I managed to submit my reworked fairy tale yesterday. It feels strange that I have just entered a competition with work that is needed for coursework.  At this moment, I am not worried about how i did, just the fact that I have submitted ONE albeit one had had stashed for a rainy day.

Hmm - writing a fairytale isn't what it's cracked up to be.  When I wrote one two years ago, it was well received but as I am a) writing for a competition and b) my stuff is being looked at by beady-eyed lecturers, suddenly the inspiration has dried up. I almost feel that if I don't get this ethically right-on, I will be descended upon like a ton of bricks.  I should be beyond giving a crap about what people think, but my psyche clearly isn't.

Need to find the courage of my convictions and get back into the zone (and other well-worn neologisms)

I have meant to have a week off, sorting out reading and study - but I have been in college far more than if I was actually in class.  There has been a knock-on effect and I am seriously lagging behind in my study.  Spiritually and pastorally, it has been enlightening, but I have to get back on track.  Get the balance right.  Thankfully, I am early on in my course but I need to knuckle down.

This weekend is about sorting out the time line on all of my Integrative modules.

• ILS - I am finding that some of my choices re Bluebeard have not been appropriate - they are more about protected virginity than obsession and control.

• IAS - As previously written, I had drawn a blank re the fairy tales.  A friend has suggested a couple of themes - a ham-fisted tooth fairy (or one that steals adult teeth by mistake), murder at a fairy convention etc.

Whatever I do, I will have to write an appraisal, so my lecturer can see my train of thought and advise. Brain isn't exactly firing on all four cylinders.

15:47
A better afternoon although disrupted - there is a grey cat that keeps breaking in to eat Dill's food. We don't have a cat flap as detailed here. Suffice to say that we removed the ill-fitting cat flap and the pane of glass missing is big enough to accomodate a portly cat and now seemingly, all of his friends.  She is very friendly and Dill is ok with her as long as she doesn't push her luck.  I do not feed her, but do not remonstrate her either - a rod for my own back. Today, she has gone from jumping up on my desk and demand that I give back Dill's dish, to actually trying to ransack the dining room for Dill's biscuits. I know have a bin in front of the door which has made Dill crabby because he can't go out when he pleases.  Anything for a quiet life at the moment.

17:05
I can well understand how dissertations can descend into one god-awful sticky mess.  Trying to explain the reasons why I am trying to understand the Bluebeard theory, I think I would be better served reading about Jungian archetypes BEFORE setting out to read any of the other stuff.  Right now, my premise looks like badly-strung knitting that has been dipped in glue (strange simile, I know).  I am a day out - if I had another two days ahead of me, the whole shebang (modular homework across the board) would've been sorted before I went back to college.

17:36
I have got to step away from this - it's doing my *insert expletive* head in.

19:17
Feeling a bit better as I think my way forward is to follow a timeline, but I do think that I need to read some of the stuff I am not so familiar with (i.e. Justine/Villette/Virgin Suicides). It is about 3/4s done but still going and I need to cull about 134 words as it is.

21:04
I have finished the draft for now - will need to go over this more tomorrow (about 2 hours maybe?) before I move onto the IAS.  Plus I have to lose minimum of 61 words to make it fit.  Right now, at least I can go to bed knowing that the worst of it is done.