Sub Rosa

The past few weeks have been dicey balancing acts. Basically, too much is going on and it has cut into my days, which will finish next week when I have to travel to Plymouth to meet next years lecturers. That in itself is going to be a massive deal. It will be down to the genres I will chose and how I interact with them, which will decide how well I will do. Right now, I am struggling a little with what I need to do to progress. I have a feeling that I might have to forego the competition that ends on November 14th. I can write other fairytales for other competitions (as some competitions are any subject).

I am just feeling the pressure to write something to a prescribed timescale at Level 5 English. Right now, everything is going tits up. I need extra time, basically - and not waste it in a meeting that I am told is mandatory, but of which only 3 out of a possible 12 turned up to. Plus, the meeting was so hard-going, not to mention depressing.

I want to be productive at home - so lesson number one is prioritise the degree first.

Hmm - writing a fairytale isn't what it's cracked up to be.  When I wrote one two years ago, it was well received but as I am a) writing for a competition and b) my stuff is being looked at by beady-eyed lecturers, suddenly the inspiration has dried up. I almost feel that if I don't get this ethically right-on, I will be descended upon like a ton of bricks.  I should be beyond giving a crap about what people think, but my psyche clearly isn't.

Need to find the courage of my convictions and get back into the zone (and other well-worn neologisms)

I have meant to have a week off, sorting out reading and study - but I have been in college far more than if I was actually in class.  There has been a knock-on effect and I am seriously lagging behind in my study.  Spiritually and pastorally, it has been enlightening, but I have to get back on track.  Get the balance right.  Thankfully, I am early on in my course but I need to knuckle down.

This weekend is about sorting out the time line on all of my Integrative modules.

• ILS - I am finding that some of my choices re Bluebeard have not been appropriate - they are more about protected virginity than obsession and control.

• IAS - As previously written, I had drawn a blank re the fairy tales.  A friend has suggested a couple of themes - a ham-fisted tooth fairy (or one that steals adult teeth by mistake), murder at a fairy convention etc.

Whatever I do, I will have to write an appraisal, so my lecturer can see my train of thought and advise. Brain isn't exactly firing on all four cylinders.

15:47
A better afternoon although disrupted - there is a grey cat that keeps breaking in to eat Dill's food. We don't have a cat flap as detailed here. Suffice to say that we removed the ill-fitting cat flap and the pane of glass missing is big enough to accomodate a portly cat and now seemingly, all of his friends.  She is very friendly and Dill is ok with her as long as she doesn't push her luck.  I do not feed her, but do not remonstrate her either - a rod for my own back. Today, she has gone from jumping up on my desk and demand that I give back Dill's dish, to actually trying to ransack the dining room for Dill's biscuits. I know have a bin in front of the door which has made Dill crabby because he can't go out when he pleases.  Anything for a quiet life at the moment.

17:05
I can well understand how dissertations can descend into one god-awful sticky mess.  Trying to explain the reasons why I am trying to understand the Bluebeard theory, I think I would be better served reading about Jungian archetypes BEFORE setting out to read any of the other stuff.  Right now, my premise looks like badly-strung knitting that has been dipped in glue (strange simile, I know).  I am a day out - if I had another two days ahead of me, the whole shebang (modular homework across the board) would've been sorted before I went back to college.

17:36
I have got to step away from this - it's doing my *insert expletive* head in.

19:17
Feeling a bit better as I think my way forward is to follow a timeline, but I do think that I need to read some of the stuff I am not so familiar with (i.e. Justine/Villette/Virgin Suicides). It is about 3/4s done but still going and I need to cull about 134 words as it is.

21:04
I have finished the draft for now - will need to go over this more tomorrow (about 2 hours maybe?) before I move onto the IAS.  Plus I have to lose minimum of 61 words to make it fit.  Right now, at least I can go to bed knowing that the worst of it is done.

After a nonstarter of a day, I have started to write out my IAS abstract, where I brief the examiners how I am planning to writing for a living.  It is a step-by-step guide to Writer's Magazines and online links to competitions and forums. I have to consider genre (gothic/reworked fairy tale/women's issues - hell, maybe even romance), length of story (flash fiction 500 words - ther stories range from 1,000-2,000 words and how much each entry may cost.  I will be subscribing to one of the magazines, plus I have the current Writers' & Artists' Yearbook 2015.

I have to write all of my stuff from scratch and cannot submit any of the stuff I wrote last year (or the year before that - a pity as I wrote a reworked fairy tale back in 2012 for another course) and I have to consider titles etc.  I have five of them at the moment, but I need more inspiration.

If there is anyone out there with random titles, please get in contact :-)

Things didn't go to plan last night - I had spent the day with friends at Land's End and joined up with Hubby to see other friends at the end of the day.  I developed car trouble (my fault, running out of diesel) and didn't get home til nearly midnight.  Most of my stuff was together this morning, but have mislaid my pencil case, my spare change and most of my packed lunch.  Brain also not engaged today after an early start on top of a lousy nights sleep.

Think that I might need a sight test as I am screwing up my eyes to read the wipeboard from time to time.  Have moved to the other side of the classroom, which helps.  I had my first lesson of Integrative Literary Study, which means I will use a subject/angle of my choice, using a specific author/s of literary merit.  Would like to do dystopian novels, but I have to scrub using Brave New World or Nineteen Eighty Four, unless as part of a supporting argument as I have used them already.  Damn. I also had my first Integrative Applied Study, which I think is going to be a variation of Transactional Writing writ large.  I have to find a vocational placement within an area of my choice - possible publishing and/or website running.  I have a few ideas, but I think I am going to have to go on a few 'fishing trips' i.e. make some calls somehow.

Today was a first for anothert two subjects - The Romantics and The Victorians.  Parts of those two overlap, of course but some of this has to be a historical timeline, especially when you look at how poverty and the Industrial Revolution went hand in hand. Looking at the way I think the couse will pan out - it seems like I will have at least 6 projects on the hop, with evidence of planning and some reflective analysis all the way through.

Long, long day and both eyes and head hurts.  Early night, me thinks.