Sub Rosa

We sat near to the fire. ‘Smoke,’ said don Juan, ‘You don’t want to lose your clarity.  You will see the guardian, it guards the other worlds. The ally is not in the smoke, it takes you to where the ally is.’

I felt the instant chill of coldness enter my mouth and, with another puff, enter my chest.  I had some difficulty vocalising. My visual perception was blurred. I watched Eligio trying to focus on his movements in front of me.  He had taken some peyote buttons earlier and had stopped whistling his strange and beautiful song.  He started to grow fur where his ears had been. His unshaven face grew long, white whiskers and he began to mew like a kitten.  His breathing was rapid and he covered his face with his hands.  It was a very long, tense moment before he moved again.

His body then slumped to the ground and he lay in a contorted position.  Don Juan remained in front of him – his peyote chants had descended into a murmur.  Eligio’s body gave a powerful jump and he landed onto his back legs with an almost feline grace.  His paw-like left arm was straight, his right hand waved out and up with an extremely free and elegant motion and with a beautiful, harmonious, hypnotic movement that resembled a violinist. 

Don Juan began chanting very loudly, repeating “Hei did-ul, did-ul, Hei did-ul, did-ul !!” again and again, enough to wake Lucio and Benigo asleep curled up on their mat by the fire. I stood up, remembering the words don Juan had said to me – that I had to look with my left eye and that sooner or later I would see the guardian.  I stared fixedly onto a point on the horizon and the mewing had descended into a murmur.  Eligio’s body gave a powerful jump and he landed onto his back legs with an almost feline grace.  His paw-like left arm was straight, his right hand waved out and up with an extremely free and elegant motion and with a beautiful, harmonious, hypnotic movement that resembled a violinist. 

Don Juan began chanting very loudly, repeating “Hei did-ul, did-ul, Hei did-ul, did-ul !!” again and again, enough to wake Lucio and Benigo asleep curled up on their mat by the fire. I stood up, remembering the words don Juizon, where the moon was coming up.  What I saw shook me to the last fibre of my being.

Right there, facing me a short distance away, was a gigantic, monstrous animal.   The first thing I really noticed was its size - I thought for some reason that it must be close to a hundred feet tall.  Its body was covered in tufts of monochrome hair, and the bell round its neck was swinging in the breeze.   I realised that I did not perceive this animal with ordinary sight; rather, I was noticing parts of it, when the sight became clearer to me. It then rushed closer and was circling in front of me.  It was not flying, but was moving at speed, shuddering to a halt and then leaping to a great height.

I could not move away, I was glued to the spot.  This animal took a final leap and with a mighty bellow, jumped straight over the moon, disappearing into the distance.  There were no words to describe the emotional jolt I felt.  I had the most peculiar sensation of heaviness size - I thought for some reason that it must be close to a hundred feet tall.  Its body was covered in tufts of monochrome hair, and the bell round its neck was swinging in the breeze.   I realised that I did not perceive this animal with ordinary sight; rather, I was noticing parts of it, when the sight became clearer to me. It then rushed closer and was circling in front of me.  It was not flying, but was moving at speed, shuddering to a halt and then leaping to a great height.

When I woke hours later, don Juan was rubbing my arms and legs with leaves and he stared at me intently.  I asked don Juan, eagerly, “What happened to me?”

Don Juan seemed to be amused at what I was saying. “You seem to have an unbending intent to confuse yourself with riddles. Has it ever occurred to you that that only a few things in your world can be explained your way? Now you have to seek the true meaning of what you saw.”

I ate the meal of dried meat and fruit he had given me – his words unleashing a mixture of euphoria and doubt within me. I felt an overwhelming uneasiness, a sensation of undefined guilt. He laughed and shook his head.” You now have to find why your Dish ran away with your Spoon….”

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Disclaimer - Carlos Castaneda's The Teachings of Don Juan has been spoofed by calico_pye - no copyright infringement intended.